Dear diary ..

Nowadays , everynight , i often cry myself to sleep thinking of what to do . Its tired putting on a fake smile to everyone , while actually deep down , you're really tired . Tired of continuing with life . I wanna to run away so much , but theres so much people that i'll miss . My family , my love , my friends and my brothers . I guess i still hvnt gather enough courage to run away , but when its be all enough , and i'll disappear . Running to a place to hide where no one can find me . Don't ask me what happen , cus even every single thing , no matter huge stuffs or small stuffs hurts me like hell . Its enough , really . I had really almost no courage to live my life with a society like this . It sucks you know people . It really does . I know i have a goodgirlf , some nice brothers , caring friends . And a family that loves me the best . But im not good enough for them , i did things to hurt them sometimes . And you would never know the feeling , unless you felt it before . It sucked , knowing they love you so much yet you made them sad. I really dont want to be 'me' anymore . Its too hard to live as 'me' alrdy .


Studying , i know . I've got nothing to complain , as its all for my own good . I blame that im just too lazy to study . Fuck me .
Relationship , i know . Shes a nice girl who cares for me and loves me and gives me the encouragement and everything i need , but im just too insecure , sensitive . Fuck me .
Family , i know . They love me and expect me to be great . They gave me the best , and all they hope was me being a goodboy . But i almost failed everytime and disappointed them but yet they still trust me . Fuck me .

FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME !!!!!!